Life has been a mess for a while.
My husband started working in a new job. I have some friends came to visit and stayed. I stayed over at my in-law for a long weekend. Sometimes Bertie sleeps like an angel but sometimes he is like a newborn all over again. Maybe because he sleeps better, maybe because I am engaging less on the internet, maybe because I haven’t done any painting in the last couple of months, I have finished a few novels. There is no greater joy than able to be concentrate on a book and rush to the end in a few days.
Ups and downs. Life.
Recently I am very nostalgic to the pre-baby life, the freedom and the possibilities to concentrate and get things done. I have read a lot of very painful stories in the news these days. I cannot make up my mind where to take the stand. I think that is just another part of me growing up, that I am never able to be sure that I know anything anymore. At some point of our lives, life doesn’t seem to increase, instead, it just happens on us. We are merely reacting passively to the consequence of our own impulsiveness and indecisiveness. That we submit to the meaninglessness of life, Like this silly reflection of mine won’t get anywhere, or mean anything in history. Whatever I think, doesn’t mean anything, at all.
I am going to be 28 in a month time.
I am more confused than ever about what am I supposed to understand about the world around me, about what am I supposed to tell my son when he asks me simple questions.
What will be will be.